Depression and Other Drugs

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I am not the type of person who shies away from speaking out about my mental health. It is well-known to my blogosphere, family, and friends that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). And not the cute kind… Not the OCD where I just alphabetize movies or like a clean house; my OCD looks more like… getting mad that the dishwasher is loaded wrong (there is no right or wrong way) or the route someone is taking is the longer route (by maybe a minute, tops). My level of social anxiety is usually well-hidden and only truly noticeable to my inner circle, but lately it has taken a turn for the worse.

I have been having so much trouble lately with my depression. And don’t ask me to explain why I’m depressed. That’s like trying to explain why the ocean is so big. There’s no one-size fits all answer to depression and what brings it on. I’ve gained some weight, work is stressful, and being a newlywed is not for the faint of heart, but none of those are the reason I’m depressed. I just find myself in this hole (my own personal hobbit hole) where I never want to leave my apartment and I cancel all my previous plans due to the anxiety of having to be out and socializing. Even people who I adore and couldn’t imagine my life without, I find a way to shut them out and recede further into myself. It’s hard to admit out loud, but my depression has really gotten out of control.

So, after many a tearful talk with my mom, husband, and best friend Emily, I forced myself to show up. Go to my doctor and discuss options, because as scared as I am of switching up my anxiety medicine, I’m more scared of not ever feeling like myself again. I’m scared there will come a day when I don’t get out of bed.

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I guess I’m bringing this up because I think it’s important. It’s important to be honest about our struggles. It’s important for me to let you all know why I’ve disappeared and why I seem to not find joy in the things that used to make me so happy. I think it’s important for people to know they’re not alone. Depression, anxiety, OCD… These are all things that can affect your everyday life so drastically. And I truly believe that it is okay and good and mature to sit down and say (albeit reluctantly and tearfully) “I need help. I can’t do this alone.”

I am lucky and blessed enough to have an amazing support team. My husband and family have always had my back and I have a group of close girlfriends who understand mental health and know how to make me feel a little less ostracized. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel alone sometimes, this is a battle within myself… But it’s important to know you have people out there who love you and who understand what you’re going through.

Don’t be scared to ask for help, don’t be scared to reach out to those around you. If you ever feel alone, I’m here and I get it. Write me. Just whatever you do, know you’re wonderful and this too shall pass.

7 responses to “Depression and Other Drugs

  1. thank you for sharing. I too have OCD and I know how it is important to have support ❤

  2. Thank you for your blog. I have had OCD as a label thrown at me. That has contributed to major depression with treatment through talk and psychotropic drugs. Those included try-cyclic and SSRI’s. Paxel seemed to help.

    I think that the most helpful mode was the support received by my peers. I think that trust is really important. I think that writing was important and it was a comprehensive evaluation about what I was eating, nutrition, and working out that was important. Meditation was important.

    The bottom lline that you mention is the support team and the trust associated with that. The rest of it is secondary.

  3. Reblogged this on my personal thing and commented:
    There is help out there for people who have mental health issues. No one is alone in this.

  4. For years I’ve been telling people that we ought to speak about mental illness in the same unhushed tones that we talk about cancer. And then, a couple of nights ago, I caught the first part of Ken Burns’ PBS documentary on Cancer. Did you know that ‘cancer’ used to be a forbidden topic too? People who were diagnosed with it used to hide away in attics, for crimeney’s sake! Look how far we’ve come and how many are now being cured or living longer, more satisfying lives since we started talking about it out loud? Thank you, THANK YOU for doing your part!

  5. Along with all of the above, you obviously have a lot of strength as evidenced by sharing this. Don’t ever forget that part of you, too, your strength. Proud of you for being willing to reach out to others who may be dealing with these issues in silence. I know Emily cherishes you so I know you must be an amazing young woman… I am, of course, Emily’s Mom….

  6. As someone who’s made that uphill battle a few times in my own life, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing. I’m sure I’m not the only reader that was worried about what happened.

  7. Hi Sarah!
    I loved your post~ It was a very warm and genuine piece! I recently started my blog shreya24x7.wordpress.com and I was wondering if you’d like to have a look at it. Feel free to comment/like/reblog anything if you really like it. I would appreciate it greatly. I’m a freshman in college and I feel like I can only get better from this point. I’m looking forward to receiving feedback from as many people as possible. A little support would really mean a lot to me.
    I hope you’re having a great summer. Hoping to hear from you soon!
    Smiles,
    Shreya xx

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