Awkward & Awesome Thursday

happiness-isAwkward:
-When the sushi you receive has different ingredients than the sushi you ordered. Say no to avocado!
-Changing your work schedule three times in the course of four weeks. Can I hear a collective UGH?
-Trying a little something special with my hair… and ending up with a copper top and ashy ends. YAY for toner and the employees at Sally’s!
-Our Christmas tree is still up. In February.

Awesome:
-Days when the makeup goddesses come together and I actually look like a put together thirty-something.
-Writing Valentine’s cards for your favorite littles. ❤
-Days when NOTHING is on the docket. Remind me what those are like…

Self Love

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Today will be about a lot of different kinds of love: romantic, friendship, familial; however, I would like to talk about the most important kind of love… SELF LOVE. Self love is about accepting and adoring yourself for who you are without seeking the consent of others. It’s about a lifelong journey to loving every little bit about yourself. Loving yourself just as you are… right now, in this VERY moment.

Self love is the most difficult of the loves for me. I struggle with the desire to not be narcissistic, not be too flashy, the desire to be a little thinner, with a nicer nose, a better personality, kinder, less selfish, and a slew of other things. Because I am human. I am human and I am flawed and THAT is why self love is so difficult for me. Self love is not the love of television and films, it is the love that is cultivated alone in the quiet of your own mind.

I am working on it. Every day. It is a constant battle in my life and one that I find a lot of my loved ones struggling with… so here is your reminder. Today, of all days, please be a little kinder to yourself. Take a moment to appreciate YOU, all of you.

35 Before 35

Having a 30 before 30 list was really inspiring and helped me to stay focused with my life goals. I didn’t accomplish all 30 of my goals, but I did a lot to better myself. That’s the true focus of my goal lists; goals that will help me become the best version of myself!

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Without further ado, my 35 before 35 list (in no particular order):

  1. Finish Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels of All Time. Currently on book 37/100.
  2. Ride in a hot air balloon.
  3. Complete a short story or poem.
  4. Participate in a Color Run.
  5. Make an apron.
  6. Read the entire Holy Bible.
  7. Go kayaking.
  8. Learn to quilt a blanket.
  9. Travel to a foreign country.
  10. Skip-it 100 consecutive times.
  11. Finish my Rainbow Granny Stripe Crochet blanket.
  12. Have my 1st Child.
  13. Make a book purse.
  14. Go on my first cruise.
  15. Learn to cross stitch.
  16. Buy my own house.
  17. Get another tattoo (or two or three!).
  18. Go to another Broadway show.
  19. Dye my hair a cool color!
  20. Get a professional photoshoot.
  21. Visit all 50 states. Have been to 21/50.
  22. Send a message in a bottle.
  23. Go on a spontaneous adventure.
  24. Plant a garden.
  25. Learn to play an acoustic guitar.
  26. Go to a live concert!
  27. Take a trip with my mom.
  28. Learn how to ride a motorcycle.
  29. Go back to school for my Master’s degree.
  30. Pay off my credit cards.
  31. Make my own bath bomb.
  32. Have a star named after me.
  33. Go on a train ride.
  34. Learn how to change the oil in my car.
  35. Volunteer for something I believe in!

 

Awkward & Awesome Thursday

IMG_2869.JPGAwkward:
-The colder it gets outside, the HOTTER my apartment seems to get. I don’t know how that makes any sense, but the struggle is REAL.
-Being sick for going on two weeks. I’d like to breathe sometime soon, self.
-Letting my blog go for YEARS on end! Being an adult is pretty darn awkward…

Awesome:
-Leftover Thai! I loves me some cold Thai Basil Noodles. YUM!
-Once Upon a Time. I know, I know… I’m a little late to the game. A LOT late to the game.
-Wearing my new Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes shirt to work! Secretly nerdy shirts make me really happy. =)

Rejuvenate

It’s been a while, blogosphere.

The problem with leaving a blog unattended is that the longer you’re gone, the harder it is to start again. I’ve written and rewritten a dozen blog posts over the last few years, each as feeble a beginning as the next. The words are lost to me. I can’t make a post that will do justice to the years I’ve been gone.

Suffice it to say, I have lived. I have loved. I have lost myself and I have found myself. I have lived.

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BUT, most importantly… Mitch and I took a trip to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando! I got to go to Diagon Alley this time AND we bought interactive wands that enabled us to perform “magic” at various points throughout the park. The amount of work they’ve put into making the parks is truly remarkable.

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My favorite parts included the dragon on top of Gringotts bank, Butterbeer (of course), Peanut Butter and Jelly ice cream (from Flourean Fortescue’s), and the Dueling Dragon’s roller coaster!

Despite the amazingly cool Harry Potter stuff, I was SICK AS A DOG the entire time… something about Florida, I always seem to get sick when I go between weather. Snowy Indiana to sunny Florida… just doesn’t seem to mix when my sinuses are involved.

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If you’re a fan of the Harry Potter-verse, I definitely think you should consider taking a trip to Orlando. It’s like stepping inside one of the novels! =)

I don’t think I’ll ever stop waiting for my Hogwarts letter!

Depression and Other Drugs

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I am not the type of person who shies away from speaking out about my mental health. It is well-known to my blogosphere, family, and friends that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). And not the cute kind… Not the OCD where I just alphabetize movies or like a clean house; my OCD looks more like… getting mad that the dishwasher is loaded wrong (there is no right or wrong way) or the route someone is taking is the longer route (by maybe a minute, tops). My level of social anxiety is usually well-hidden and only truly noticeable to my inner circle, but lately it has taken a turn for the worse.

I have been having so much trouble lately with my depression. And don’t ask me to explain why I’m depressed. That’s like trying to explain why the ocean is so big. There’s no one-size fits all answer to depression and what brings it on. I’ve gained some weight, work is stressful, and being a newlywed is not for the faint of heart, but none of those are the reason I’m depressed. I just find myself in this hole (my own personal hobbit hole) where I never want to leave my apartment and I cancel all my previous plans due to the anxiety of having to be out and socializing. Even people who I adore and couldn’t imagine my life without, I find a way to shut them out and recede further into myself. It’s hard to admit out loud, but my depression has really gotten out of control.

So, after many a tearful talk with my mom, husband, and best friend Emily, I forced myself to show up. Go to my doctor and discuss options, because as scared as I am of switching up my anxiety medicine, I’m more scared of not ever feeling like myself again. I’m scared there will come a day when I don’t get out of bed.

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I guess I’m bringing this up because I think it’s important. It’s important to be honest about our struggles. It’s important for me to let you all know why I’ve disappeared and why I seem to not find joy in the things that used to make me so happy. I think it’s important for people to know they’re not alone. Depression, anxiety, OCD… These are all things that can affect your everyday life so drastically. And I truly believe that it is okay and good and mature to sit down and say (albeit reluctantly and tearfully) “I need help. I can’t do this alone.”

I am lucky and blessed enough to have an amazing support team. My husband and family have always had my back and I have a group of close girlfriends who understand mental health and know how to make me feel a little less ostracized. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel alone sometimes, this is a battle within myself… But it’s important to know you have people out there who love you and who understand what you’re going through.

Don’t be scared to ask for help, don’t be scared to reach out to those around you. If you ever feel alone, I’m here and I get it. Write me. Just whatever you do, know you’re wonderful and this too shall pass.

Landline: A Review

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Landline is another awesome novel from the ever-expanding collection of classics coming from Rainbow Rowell. I’ve loved every novel of Rainbow’s that I’ve read (all of them): Fan Girl, Eleanor & Park, and Attachments. This one was closer to Attachments than Eleanor & Park, but I found myself (as a newlywed) really relatable.

Georgie McCool (yes, that’s her real name) is finally getting somewhere in her career. She’s a writer for a popular TV show and the pilot episode for her very own series is being presented to the network! The only problem… she’s supposed to be going to her husband Neal’s mother’s home in Omaha with their two little girls. She tries to explain to Neal why her career is worth more than their trip to Omaha – and fails. Neal and her children leave for Omaha, while Georgie stays back in Los Angeles to finish her pilot episode.

When Georgie calls Neal from her mother’s house, she gets through, but not to the present-day Neal… by some magic, Georgie gets through to Neal from the Christmas they got engaged. Georgie is transfixed and remembers all over again why she loves Neal. Georgie would do anything to save her failing marriage and she can’t seem to kick the feeling that this magical reconnection was given to her for a reason. How can Georgie write her show (her dream) without losing her husband and true love?

UGH. THE FEELS. Rainbow, how is it that you know exactly how my mind works and exactly how to tug at those heartstrings?! All of Rainbow’s characters are me… me as different people, me in different lives. She is a fantastic writer and Landline is no different. GREAT read! Pick it up now! =)